


Blue Buttercup

by WordsAblaze



Series: Witcher Fics [1]
Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Backstory, Canon-Typical Violence, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Good Parent Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Hurt/Comfort, Jaskier | Dandelion Has a Past, Jaskier | Dandelion Needs a Hug, Jaskier | Dandelion is a Mess, Minor Character Death, Minor Triss Merigold/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Non-Human Jaskier | Dandelion, Protective Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Soft Jaskier | Dandelion, Soft Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Young Jaskier, adding tags when necessary, canon WHOMST, lmk if i've missed anything, no beta we die like jaskier doesn't
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:41:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23366359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsAblaze/pseuds/WordsAblaze
Summary: Almost like buttercups, it took Jaskier a lot of time and trouble to bloom and find his place in the world, but it wasn't all golden...(aka: yennefer was his mother way before he was jaskier)
Relationships: Jaskier | Dandelion & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Triss Merigold & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: Witcher Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1726360
Comments: 151
Kudos: 445
Collections: Witcher





	1. Beautiful Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies to canon but this wayward idea is the first thing I've been truly inspired by for a while - I really love the show and characters but don't quite vibe with the plot so here's this ^.^

Destiny smiled when Jaskier was born.

Except he wasn't Jaskier when he was born.

His mother took one look at his beautiful blue eyes and named him Blue, blue like the sky and blue like the ocean because he was just as beautiful as them. 

He was a small child and yet he was filled with endless smiles and joy and strange noises that somehow managed to sound melodious. 

_ (He was born to a father who didn’t care for him and a mother who cared for nothing in the world but him.) _

Blue never knew the love of a father but he never needed to for his mother’s love was enough, more than enough, so much so that it spilled from her hands when she cradled him and tumbled from her mouth when she sang to him and dripped from her gaze when she smiled at him like he was the only one in the world that mattered. 

And he was, to her. 

_ (He was her everything.) _

_ (And in return, she was his.) _

They were happy.

They played among the rivers and laughed around the trees and fell asleep under the stars, in one another’s arms. The world was theirs and theirs alone and they didn’t at all mind spending every minute of every day together.

Blue was happy spending time singing with his mother - or rather, comically trying to - and picking at small flowers and being twirled in the air as his bright giggling surrounded them.

He was too small to question why there was nobody else around and he was small enough to accept that his world consisted of him and his mother and the love they shared for each other. 

_ (Everything was perfect.) _

He turned one and his mother fashioned him a small blue jacket that made him giggle because it matched his eyes and it made his reflection in the water look funnier. 

_ (The rivers always seemed to smile back at him, at his mother beaming behind him, at their small, precious family.)  _

He turned two and his mother started teaching him lullabies that would later form the basis of his life’s work but more immediately served as a way for them to pass the time.

_ (The birds around them joined in whenever they sang no matter what the time of day because the love in their voices was irresistible.) _

He turned three and his mother gave him a small amulet - the flower he always chose to pick in metal form - that rested firmly on his chest despite his restless movements.

_ (The meadows around them bloomed yellow to match for the smiles of that small child were worth everything.) _

He turned four and his mother taught him to read and write and create his own stories, stories that his mother then patiently listened to all the time. 

_ (The forests managed to quieten as he stumbled over his words so his sincere narrations could go uninterrupted.) _

But then he turned five and everything went wrong.

His mother smiled and whispered that she loved him before telling him to close his eyes and wait for his birthday present.

Blue giggled and did exactly that, promising not to peek.

And he didn’t.

Not when his mother ran into old foes.

Not when the fighting started, escalated, stopped.

Not when his mother fell.

But his patience was small for he was only five and it was his birthday and he’d been promised a gift and so he peeked.

_ (He forgot all about his birthday.) _

Blue turned five and witnessed death for the first time. 

_ (The world around him protected him from experiencing it himself.) _

He was young and naive and scared and kept begging his mother to wake up but she remained oh so still and suddenly he didn’t want a gift, he just wanted his mother back. 

He was a child surrounded by blue - his blue name and his blue eyes and his blue jacket and the blue string his pendant was hanging from - but he turned five and drenched himself in red. 

_ (The red was supposed to stay inside his mother’s veins.) _

And then he was alone. 

He was alone and he was just a child so he stayed beside his mother and ended up crying himself to sleep in her arms one last time.

_ (He didn’t know what it meant for her to be dead.) _

When morning came, he kissed his mother on the forehead as she had always done to him and tears bloomed in his eyes because her skin was cold to the touch even though it had always been so warm before.

He pulled his jacket on tighter and clutched the flower around his neck and decided to braid her hair one last time, sprinkling petals over her to make her seem more alive.

He sang as he did so, forgetting to use all the words and confusing himself but trying his best because the world had never been silent when his mother was awake and it felt wrong, everything suddenly felt so wrong.

Once he was satisfied that she looked beautiful, he promised her that he still loved her even though she wasn’t saying it back and he looked up at the sky, asking, begging for it to look after her for him. 

_ (It was his first day of being five and the last day he would see his mother.) _

Blue started walking.

He walked and walked and stopped to eat some berries and then continued to walk and walk and walk until his legs stopped working. 

He fell asleep under a tree, crying, wishing his mother was with him. 

_ (The tree curled its branches to shelter him from the rain that night.) _

The next day, he did the exact same thing.

And the day after that.

And every single day after that until he found the house. 

_ (Until the house found him.) _

Blue was a curious child and he was still young enough for scepticism to be foreign to him so he simply walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

Nobody answered. 

He tried again and again until tears sprung in his eyes because he was so tired and he didn’t want to walk anymore and his mother had told him tales about houses and they were supposed to be warm and safe and he just wanted to stop walking. 

_ (The house wished it could open itself to him.) _

When nothing worked, Blue curled up in front of the house and closed his eyes, trying his best to breathe like his mother had taught him to after he’d gotten hurt and couldn’t find air for some reason. 

He fell asleep at some point.

His eyes only opened again when soft sunlight brushed over him and for a moment, it felt like his mother’s hands gently cupping his face. 

A smile flickered on his face as he closed his eyes again, pretending that his mother was there, that she wasn’t gone, that she was about to start singing and everything was going to go back to the way it always had been, it always should be.

But then the ray of sunlight passed and a slight breeze replaced it, waking him up and erasing the ghost of his mother’s love.

Blue was silent for a moment.

Only to promptly burst into tears.

And Yennefer, who had just portalled back into her house, flinched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I intend to continue working on this immediately but wanted to post so I didn't get too intimidated by all the other amazing Witcher fics and not post ;p
> 
> Thanks for reading! Leave a kudos / comment?


	2. Bright Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware that Yennefer may seem a little too soft here but I think she's more than capable of it and Jaskier is incredibly cute so...

Yennefer was not heartless.

She was not, as many people assumed, immune to emotions, to love. 

It was just that she’d experienced far too much pain and she’d forged herself with chaos and it all meant she often found herself exasperated at the human desire to take risks with one’s heart. 

_ (She knew those risks all too well.) _

But children. 

She could rarely resist the cries of children.

The screams of the small were loud and powerful and tragic. 

And there was something truly awful about hearing, feeling the tears of such young lives. 

_ (She was haunted by them.) _

Sighing to herself, she walks over to the front door, pulling it open and glancing around only to have something - someone - fall against her legs.

The child gasps as they topple over, clearly having been leaning on the door, and scrambles backwards, looking up at her with impossibly blue eyes, bright eyes filled with a deep sorrow. 

She looks over the child, a boy who seems too fragile to remain on her property despite the wards, and takes in his messy hair, his spotless jacket, his bare feet. 

_ (She wonders how his skin is still unbroken.) _

“Who are you?” she asks, wincing internally as the boy shrinks away at her tone.

He doesn’t offer her a reply but quietens down, waiting for her to do something. She notices with slight confusion that he struggles to look away from her eyes, nothing but curiosity burning in his eyes. 

After a minute of silence, she kneels down to his eye-level, asking again: “Who are you?”

The boy frowns at her, shaking his head.

_ (She can tell he’s trying hard not to cry again.) _

Before she can say anything else, the boy jumps to his feet, opens his mouth only to close it again, and sprints. 

Surprised, she watches as he twists between the trees, disappearing far too quickly for her to determine where he’s going or why he’d left so suddenly. 

_ (She could track him but she doesn’t want to scare him.) _

He doesn’t seem to be returning even once she’s recovered from her surprise so she shuts the door, making a note to reinforce her wards once she’s had enough time to recharge - the boy is no threat but he really shouldn’t have been able to see her house at all.

Back to her normal routine, Yennefer takes her time bathing and freshening up. She all but forgets about the strange blue-eyed child at her doorstep by the time she sits down to eat. 

And then she feels it.

_ (Feels him.) _

He’s back.

“Really?” she asks nobody in particular, going back to the door and pulling it open with a wave of her hand, not sure what to expect this time. 

The boy is standing there with a shy smile and a bunch of flowers in his hands, blues and purples and whites impressively mixed together. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. 

_ (Yennefer’s heart melts.) _

He holds them forwards, making no move himself, keeping his gaze locked onto her eyes. 

She’s not sure what to say but she takes the flowers from him and kneels again, her muscles moving without her permission and offering the boy a small smile in return. 

Instantly, he beams.

And throws himself at her, his tiny arms looping around her neck as he giggles, his relief radiating from him like rays of sunlight. 

He doesn’t even seem to mind that she’s unsure what to do, her arms awkwardly frozen in place, he just steps back once he’s satisfied and continues to beam - that is, until he spots the flowers he’d accidentally crushed. 

_ (She doesn’t know why the sadness on his face hurts her.) _

“It’s okay,” she whispers, blowing on the flowers and smiling as she watches him brighten up when they magically repair themselves. 

_ (She’ll never let them die.) _

He looks up at her with awe in his eyes. “Thank you.” 

Usually, people’s awe is directed at her alongside fear or distrust, the lack of which in his eyes is refreshing, strangely pleasant. 

Yennefer doesn’t want to get attached, she really doesn’t, but the boy makes no move to disappear again and she finds herself asking: “Would you like some food?”

She might as well have offered him the whole world if his smile is bright enough to go by, his entire being becoming happier, more confident, more comfortable.

“Please,” he replies, and reaches for her hand. 

_ (That reaches her heart.) _

Slightly out of her depth but unwilling to make him cry again, she lets him take her hand and stands up, guiding him into her dining room, into a seat at her very small table. 

When she summons another bowl of soup from the kitchen, his expression shifts from awe to confusion to panic. He looks up at her with tears half-formed in his eyes, “I don’t know how to eat your food.”

She would be insulted if not for the sincere guilt she can sense he feels. 

“It’s just soup,” she tells him, holding out a spoon. 

He shakes his head. “I don’t… I’m sorry, we never-”

Curiosity stirs inside her as he cuts himself off but Yennefer doesn’t herself dwell on it, instead taking her own spoon and lifting it up. “Here, copy me.” 

To his credit, he nods, watching her carefully as she eats a few spoonfuls and then picking up his own spoon. She thinks he’s figured it out until he stabs the spoon into the bowl and jumps at himself. 

_ (It makes her smile for some reason.) _

“Like this,” she says, wrapping his hand around the spoon and guiding it to his mouth. 

His eyes widen, brighten when he finally swallows it and a ridiculously large grin breaks out on his face. “I love it!”

Even she doesn’t appreciate her soup that much. But his enthusiasm is infectious and, although she has to practically feed him at regular intervals because he struggles to understand the concept of a spoon, she finds that she’s enjoying herself. 

_ (The realisation hits her like a bucket of ice.) _

The boy goes still once they finish eating, biting his lip as he frowns up at her. “Can I stay here?”

She wants to ask him why he thinks he can’t but the deep sorrow from earlier has taken over his expression again and all she can do is bite back her sarcasm and nod slowly. 

Within the blink of an eye, that sorrow has been replaced by joy and the boy almost tumbles from the chair in his rush to throw his arms around her - the way he ends up hugging both her stomach and her chair is a strange sort of ridiculous. 

_ (It’s endearing.) _

He lets go of her and runs back to the front door, where he turns back and gives her a sheepish grin. “How does this work?” 

“The door?” 

He nods quickly. “The door. How does the door work?”

Yennefer raises an eyebrow. “Why do you need the door to work?”

“You said I can stay,” he replies, sounding confused. 

“That I did,” Yennefer agrees, walking over to him and kneeling down again, “but I meant you can stay inside the house.” 

_ (Inside her heart.) _

It takes him a long moment to think that over before he smiles, stepping towards her, hope shining in his eyes. “With you?” 

She doesn’t want to say yes, she doesn’t want to commit to something like this. She’s not even sure if the boy will want to stay for long and it’s probably safer for her to avoid that risk at all instead of-

“Of course.” 

Blue eyes brighten and that’s all the warning she has before there are small arms draped around her neck again and giggles filling the air. 

_ (Destiny smiles over them.) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully the fluff made up for the previous angst, look forward to more because I'm still currently obsessed with these characters ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading! Leave a kudos / comment?


	3. Beaming Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was intending to write some angst but the comments were really sweet and I ended up just extending the fluff so credit to y'all for that ;p

It turns out Blue was fated to be quickly renamed. 

_ (And it was partly his doing.)  _

Much to Yennefer’s confusion, he refused to tell her his name. 

Or anything, for that matter.

It took him more than the small eternity of a very long minute to unwrap himself from her neck and let her breathe properly again.

_ (She almost missed his warmth - almost.)  _

It took him well over an hour to really let go of her, as if he was scared she would disappear if they weren’t physically connected. 

He stayed attached to her leg or her arm or simply kept a grip of her dress as she completed all her easier tasks, tidying and writing letters and organising small battles, the like. 

_ (It might have been funny if it wasn’t so sad.) _

It then took him the whole afternoon to stop trailing her wherever she went, from the kitchen to the gardens to her study, the study she’d never let anyone else even imagine, never mind remain inside with curious eyes. 

_ (He was a quick exception.) _

“Aren’t you hungry?” she asks as she sees the sun rapidly sinking, looking up from the treaty she’d been analysing for loopholes.

To her surprise yet again, he merely shrugs.

And she starts wondering again, wondering why he can be satisfied with so little when most humans she’s met have been perpetually hungry, needy, greedy, never turning anything down, especially if it came for free.

_ (She rarely ever gave anything for free, though.) _

“Are you?” he asks, speaking up for the first time since she’d told him he could stay. 

She blinks at him, confusing. 

“Are you hungry?” he asks again, tilting his head to one side as if wondering where all her intelligence had gone. 

Yennefer glances over him properly, making a note to find him some shoes, before her gaze settles on something blue peeking out from under his unfastened doublet. 

“Come here,” she asks softly, reaching out a beckoning hand.

He does so immediately.

_ (She doesn’t let herself dwell on the beauty of his trust.) _

Smiling at him so as not to worry him, she gently pushes aside his doublet, trying to get a better look at his necklace and see why it had caught her attention - It’s simple and beautiful and she wonders who gave it to him.

“It’s like me,” he explains before she can ask. 

“I’m sorry?” 

He smiles at her, at the necklace, and at her again. There’s something sorrowful nestled in his expression as he looks up at her, “It’s me and my flowers.” 

Yennefer nods slowly, glancing between his eyes and the small flower, focusing on figuring out what he means rather than questioning where the small pendant came from.

_ (Questioning who gave it to him.) _

“You’re a buttercup?”

He frowns for a moment, something dark and cloudy and deadly in his eyes, before nodding with a bright smile.

“Well then,” she smiles, “it’s nice to meet you, buttercup.” 

He positively beams at her and she can’t help but agree that his smile is golden and he is truly an accurate namesake, not that she plans to admit that aloud any time soon. 

_ (But it’s not like she’d planned for any of this.) _

“Thank you,” he whispers solemnly. 

It takes her far longer than it should to remember what she was doing in the first place, at which point her eyes widen. “Food!”

Buttercup frowns at her. “Are you hungry?” he asks again. 

She wants to laugh or scowl but she does neither, simply standing and, to her own shock as well as his, holding out her hand for him to take. Which he does, without hesitation, a beaming smile on his face yet again. 

_ (He smiles too much for her.) _

Their meal is quicker this time, his abilities regarding spoons much better the second time round, and she finds herself with an armful of tired gratitude far too quickly for her to have prepared for it. 

“Hey, buttercup…” she trails off, deciding not to dislodge him.

He only settles further, his head against her shoulder as if they were made to be pieces of a puzzle slotting together. 

She lets him be, simply summoning the treaty from her study and continuing to read it above his head, making notes on what to change in both the relevant King’s and her own favour as she goes, knowing he won’t question her choices in the slightest. 

Only when she notices that the boy’s grip is loosening does she stop, glancing down at him, his drooping eyes. 

“Buttercup?” she whispers slowly, nudging him as carefully as she can.

_ (Being careful comes to her with great difficulty.) _

“Mhmm?” he blinks up at her, lifting a hand to rub his eyes as he yawns. 

Her muscles move on instinct: she smiles. 

It catches her off guard and she forgets to reply, but he doesn’t seem to mind, letting his head drop back onto her shoulder with a small, content sigh. As much as she wants to stay where they are, she knows they can’t.

“Let’s get you to a bed,” she murmurs, then pauses.

Exhaling softly, she clenches her jaw and picks him up, her arms wrapped firmly around him and her magic ready to catch him if she drops him.

_ (She doesn’t, not even nearly.) _

He giggles quietly, locking his legs together around her waist, pressing himself against her, radiating a joy she hasn’t felt in years, decades, possibly ever. 

Without really thinking about it, she takes him to the spare room closest to hers, it’s the smallest one but she doesn’t think he’ll mind because he’s so small himself. 

“Come on, down you go,” she whispers, kneeling beside the bed.

He blinks groggily, slowly untangling himself from her and flopping onto the bed, only for his eyes to widen.

She thinks she’s done something wrong but then he giggles, sitting up and bouncing on the bed with glee shining in the blue of his beaming eyes. 

Yennefer squints at him. “What is it?”

He just continues to giggle, his sleepiness temporarily paused as he continues to bounce as if he’s never seen a mattress before, occasionally throwing himself backwards only to bounce back up again with a grin. 

_ (His careless happiness is nearly painful.) _

“It’s soft!” he exclaims, beaming at her as if she’d invented beds. 

She just nods, equal parts amused and bemused. “It’s just a mattress?”

“Mattress? Mattress… I like mattress!” 

Slightly out of her depth yet again, Yennefer just nods, shuffling a little closer to the bed. “That’s great, buttercup, but you’re meant to just sleep on them.” 

As if on cue, he yawns again, his eyes watering with the force of it. But he nods dutifully, flopping down once again and giggling when he bounces a little before settling properly, looking up at her with another pure smile. 

“Can I jump on the… the mattress tomorrow?” 

“Of course,” Yennefer promises, even though she’s confused as to why he’s so happy with such small, almost insignificant demands.

_ (She’s also confused as to why she’s happy he wants to stay.) _

“Thank you,” he mumbles, stretching his arms as he rolls onto his side.

“Goodnight, buttercup,” she whispers, reaching a hand out but thinking better of it, choosing to simply watch him until she feels his breathing relax into the rhythm of sleep.

There’s something about such a small child trusting her to keep him safe that fills her with confusion and dread and what might be warmth, it’s not every day that she’s faced with such a strangely comforting responsibility.

_ (It might be her favourite responsibility so far.) _

And if she enchants the blanket to keep him warm all night, well, nobody has to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not-yet-jaskier growing on yennefer is definitely actual plot, what do you mean?
> 
> Thanks for reading! Leave a kudos / comment? x


	4. Bashful Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a month and I just wanted to write more of these two so here's this, if anyone's interested :)

Children are a handful.

But Yennefer has two hands and she craves for them to be full.

_ (For her heart to be full.) _

And the small boy who’d wandered into one of her houses without even ruffling the feathers of her wards? He helps.

He also wakes her up by jumping so hard on his bed that he ends up tumbling off and landing on the floor with a rather worrying thud. 

She wouldn’t have bothered to wake up at such a noise usually but the deathly silence that follows said noise tugs at her heart until she finds herself standing in the doorway of Buttercup’s room.

He looks up at her with a sheepish grin. “I think I hurt my wrist,” he informs her casually.

_ (Too casually for her liking.) _

Yennefer frowns at him, wondering why he isn’t crying like most children. But she puts that concern aside in favour of kneeling beside him with a soft smile, taking his wrist in her hands and checking for a break.

It’s nothing serious, just a sprain, but she heals it anyway. 

He gasps as she does, snatching his hand back.

For a second, she thinks he’s angry, but then he looks up at her with wonder in his eyes and flexes his wrist happily. “How did you do that?”

Before she can reply, he continues: “Can you teach me? Is it a learning thing? I want to… I want to fix- well, I don’t know but can you teach me?”

Yennefer smiles.

_ (Not that she realises she’s doing so.) _

“Maybe when you grow up.”

He nods solemnly, inhales deeply, then closes his mouth with a frown.

“Yes?” she raises an eyebrow.

“Can I, um, jump again?”

He looks so worried that she’s tempted to say no just to see what he does but she finds herself unable to potentially hurt him in such a way, simply nodding her head. 

“Thank you!” Buttercup grins and throws his arms around her again. 

But instead of pulling away, she feels his tiny hands playing with her hair, twirling it around his fingers. 

_ (It feels nicer than she’d expected.) _

She holds her breath, acutely aware that he’s closer to her than most would dare to be. She wonders, for a fleeting moment, whether her transformation had denied her this because it had been obvious that she would go soft when presented with it.

She clears her throat when her leg starts to go numb.

Buttercup springs back from her with alarm in his eyes along with something soft and hazy, something that shouldn’t belong in the eyes of a child. " Sorry,” he mumbles, promptly running past her, out of the room.

_ (She misses him immediately.) _

She stays where she is for another moment, lifting her hand to her hair and letting her eyes fall shut as she sighs almost wistfully.

She’s only just stood up when Buttercup comes stumbling back into the room, wrapping himself around her leg and hiding behind her before she can ask him what’s wrong. 

And then she senses Triss in the living room and it sort of makes sense why he wouldn’t want to be there.

_ (What doesn’t yet make sense is why he chose to seek her protection.) _

“Yennefer?” Triss calls from where she is.

“I’ll be there in a minute!” Yennefer replies, knowing she can’t exactly walk if there’s a child attached to her leg.

“Hey, Buttercup? Triss is my friend, she won’t hurt you.” 

He shakes his head, his grip tightening. “Wanna stay with you, please.”

She sighs, slightly frustrated. “You can stay with me, I just need to talk to her, okay?”

He removes himself from her leg but stands in front of her with a frown on his small face, saying nothing, absolutely still until he hesitantly lifts his arms up.

She blinks at him. 

“Please?” he reaches up at her. 

_ (It’s not often she’s genuinely shocked but she can’t deny her shock at that.) _

“What?” 

He doesn’t seem deterred by her confusion, simply stepping closer and curling his fingers in grabbing motions until she can’t in any way mistake what he’s asking from her.

Wordlessly, since she’s not sure what she’s meant to say, she kneels and lifts him up.

He settles in her arms immediately, wrapping his legs around her waist and curling his arms around her neck, burying his face in her neck, under her hair, as if seeking shelter in her embrace.

_ (She has to force herself not to sigh softly at the feeling.) _

Once she’s sure he won’t fall, she makes her way to the living room, where Triss is waiting with an amused smile on her face.

“Yes, what is it?” Yennefer asks, totally bypassing the elephant in the room.

Triss, however, has other plans. “You’re not getting out of this one… Who is he?”

She feels him stiffen slightly but he stays quiet.

“He’s… the wards let him in.” 

Just as she had done, Triss frowns in concern. “Do you need me to help you redo them?”

Yennefer scoffs. “I can repair my own wards, Triss. And no, there’s nothing wrong with them. I felt it when you arrived.”

_ (She hadn’t, but that was because she’d been distracted, not because of the wards themselves.) _

“If you say so. Does he have a name?”

Yennefer pauses, considering. “I’m not entirely certain but he’s happy to be called Buttercup.”

At the mention of his name, he curls his hands tighter in his hair and she can almost feel him smile.

“And he likes your hair, it seems,” Triss comments, a knowing smile on her face.

Yennefer rolls her eyes. “Oh, spare me the lecture. What is it you came for?”

Triss glances over the two of them once more before nodding, her expression turning more serious. “The treaty you amended recently. It wasn’t… received well.”

“Yes, because your King would rather see coin in his pocket than life on his streets. If he has a problem with it that he can convince his people to agree with, then he can write me a formal complaint. If not, he can-” 

She cuts herself off before cursing at him, taking a deep breath and curling her arm around Buttercup. “He can simply deal with it.” 

“I’ll pass the message along,” Triss says quietly, amusement evident in her voice, “and I’ll leave you to it. Until we meet again, Yenn.”

Yennefer nods her farewell, noting how Buttercup relaxes almost entirely once Triss has portalled out, lifting his head and grinning at her so widely she can count his tiny teeth.

_ (They seem rather sharp but she doesn’t know enough about children to question it.) _

“Why were you scared of her, Buttercup?”

He shakes his head quickly, but then bites his lip and nods slowly. “They- She was mean last time.”

They? Last time?

Something in her warns her not to ask but she does anyway, unsure of how Triss could ever be considered unkind. “How was she… mean?”

He frowns at her, an ancient emotion raging on his face. “The forest didn’t like it.”

It doesn’t make much sense but she assumes he means she was manipulating nature in some way or the other, as she does. But that doesn’t explain why the forest seemingly didn’t like it, or why he would know such a thing.

Yennefer frowns at him. “Triss didn’t recognise you, how did you recognise her?”

Buttercup shrugs, his distress now palpable. “She didn’t see me.” 

She’s debating whether or not to ask him what he means when his eyes start watering and his shoulders start shaking so hard she almost drops him.

_ (She would never let herself drop him.) _

He starts crying before she can figure out what to say, clutching onto her dress and her hair like they’re his lifelines, small, choked sobs escaping his lips before he cuts them off.

Yennefer doesn’t know exactly what to do but she’s filled with an intense, inexplicable urge to find whoever it is causing these tears and burn them from the inside out until they’re weeping blood, and all she can do about that is hold him closer, letting magic spill from her fingertips to calm him down.

“It’s okay, I won’t hurt you. I won’t… I won’t let anyone hurt you… I promise.

_ (She doesn’t deal in promises but this will have to be an exception.) _

Her words seem to help more than her magic and he sniffles into her neck before lifting a hand to rub his eyes, blinking up at her with a burning hope.

“You promise?”

“I promise, little one.”

He smiles, and the knot inside her stomach instantly unravels. 

_ (She hadn’t even realised it was there.) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where is this going, I hear you ask. I started this fic with one particular scene in mind and I seem to be writing side-quests instead of that main quest, but fear not, I am (slowly) getting there...
> 
> Thanks for reading! Leave a kudos / comment? xx


	5. Baffling Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> accidentally forgot to update this fic by starting two new witcher WIPs, oops :p but i'm still going with this in case anyone's still interested <3

Yennefer wakes to the sound of crying.

Her eyes snapping open in alarm, she glances round only for her gaze to settle on a pair of teary blue eyes.

“What’s wrong?” she finds herself asking.

_ (If she wasn’t who she was, she’d call it maternal instinct.) _

Buttercup just lets himself fall onto her chest, wrapping his arms around her as tightly as possible, which, to be fair, isn’t all that tight. 

“Did something happen?” she tries again, shifting so she’s sat up and they’re both upright.

He just shakes his head, sniffling. “I saw her.”

Yennefer frowns, puzzled. “Who?”

_ (She wants to kill whoever it is already.) _

“She’s dead.”

She blinks, staring at the top of Buttercup’s head as he buries his face in her neck, having expected a lot but definitely not a reference to someone having died - it almost makes her feel bad for having wished them dead just moments before.

“I’m sorry,” Yennefer whispers eventually.

But he only shakes his head, pulling back and frowning. “Why? You didn’t do it.” 

Oh, if only he knew. If only he knew the destruction she was capable of, the destruction she’s already responsible for. 

_ (But she doesn’t want him to know.) _

“I’m sorry anyway,” is all she says, wrapping an arm around him. 

He nods but starts crying again, and she just lets him. She’s not entirely sure if she hates his crying because it sounds awful or because it feels awful but she hates it anyway, and makes a note to ask who ‘she’ is some time in the future.

The crying continues for far too long but she doesn’t stop him, waiting until he falls back asleep before letting out an audible sigh of relief.

Slowly, carefully, she lifts and places him on the bed beside her before standing up and brushing herself down, using magic to rid her otherwise beautiful dress of the damp tear stains. 

_ (She can’t remember why she hadn’t changed out of it before sleeping but she suspects Buttercup was involved.) _

She manages to avert a small war before he wakes up again. 

“Yenny?”

What the hell?

She looks up from where she’s sat in her study and tries to decide whether she’d simply gone mad for a moment and hallucinated the voice.

“Yenny!” 

Apparently not.

“Yenny!”

“I’m here!” she calls back as she makes her way back to her bedroom, where Buttercup looks ready to cry again.

_ (She doesn’t think she can handle that.) _

“Yenny!” he exclaims once again, all but leaping out of bed and colliding with her legs in his rush to get to her. 

She wobbles but thankfully doesn’t fall, frowning down at him. “What happened now?”

“Thought you left me,” Buttercup mumbles.

Yennefer sighs, ruffling his hair. “Of course I didn’t. Where would I go?”

He shrugs but lets go of her, wiping his eyes as he smiles weakly before letting out a wide yawn and lifting his arms in the air. Sighing internally, she crouches down and lifts him up, balancing him on her hip as he giggles and reaches for her hair again, twirling it around his fingers. 

_ (It feels just as nice as last time.) _

“Are you hungry, little one?” she asks, carrying him to the kitchen, already knowing he is because his stomach is rumbling.

Naturally, she’s confused when he just clutches onto her and stays silent. Frustrated when he remains quiet several minutes later, she gently guides him into sitting on the table, trying not to pay attention to his protests as he reaches for her with a confused frown.

_ (Trying not to pay attention to how painful it is to see.) _

“Are you hungry?” she asks again, softer this time.

He nods slowly, his hands clenching into tiny fists as he folds his arms. 

“Then why are you so quiet, hm?” she inquires, offering him a smile in the hope that it’ll get him to open up.

He yawns again before shrugging. “Wanna stay with you”

_ (And oh, if that doesn’t both excite and scare her.) _

Yennefer frowns but simply takes one of his hands in her own and squeezes gently, reassuringly, instead of expressing her confusion. “You can stay with me for as long as you like... but you have to eat breakfast, okay?”

Buttercup nods quickly, a grin spreading on his face as he uses his free hand to squeeze hers in return. “Thank you, Yenny!”

She can’t just ignore that for the fourth time.

“Yenny?” she echoes, raising an eyebrow in what she thinks is the least intimidating way possible. 

_ (He’s one of the few people she’d hate to accidentally intimidate.) _

He giggles at her. “That’s your name, isn’t it?”

Before she can argue, he continues. “That’s what she called you yesterday.” 

“Triss?” Yennefer asks, thinking back; Triss does sometimes call her by something other than her full name but she’s never heard the version he’s saying now. 

But Buttercup nods enthusiastically. “She said ‘until we meet again, Yenny’, I heard her!”

Yennefer laughs.

_ (She’d almost forgotten what such pure amusement felt like.) _

“She called me ‘Yenn’, little one. My name is Yennefer.” 

His face falls momentarily but he recovers before she can regret saying anything and frowns up at her. “Yennfer?” 

“No, no, Yen-ne-fer,” she corrects. 

He makes a face, his nose scrunching up and his eyebrows furrowing as if he’d unintentionally eaten something sour or unknowingly signed himself up to a mindless feast. “I like Yenny.” 

If he were a regular noble or something of the sort, she would probably eviscerate him for the sheer audacity of disrespecting her name. Fortunately for him, his eyes are filled with nothing but an innocent opinion and she can’t fault him for that when he’s so young. 

_ (A part of her likes that the name used in courts and battlefields won’t be the same one to fall from his lips.) _

“If you say so, Buttercup. Now, how about some food?” She asks, pretending not to notice when he beams at her so widely it looks almost painful. 

“Yes, please!” He replies, giggling to himself as she grabs two plates and waves a hand to summon bread and jam.

“Can you teach me?” he all but pleads as he picks up one of the plates, awe in his expression when he looks up at her again.

_ (All she wants to do is teach someone who truly wants her as their teacher.) _

But all she says is, “Maybe another time. Eat up for now.” 

Strangely enough, he seems satisfied by that, forgetting about chairs entirely even when she slips into the one next to him and starting to eat, somehow managing not to make an utter mess despite not having recognised soup before. 

She can’t figure him out and it annoys her because she can figure most things out and there’s no way the greatest mage to ever grace a court will be defeated by a mere child who isn’t even trying.

“Can I go play on the mattress again?” Buttercup asks once they’re finished, his eyes full of hope and what must be happiness.

“Of course,” she replies without thinking.

_ (But maybe being defeated by a child isn’t all too bad.) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might have a thing for Yennefer being soft so i won't even apologise for making her just a little ooc ;)


	6. Besotted Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lowkey regret using adjectives for chapter titles because although there are a lot of words beginning with 'b', i always struggle to find one that fits the vibe of the chapters...

"Can I come with you?" 

Yennefer sighs. 

He can't come with her; he's a small child and she's sure the Lord she's visiting won't take kindly to him being there. 

"I'm sorry, little one, but I'm afraid you can't."

Buttercup's eyes water. "Please, Yenny, please?" 

_ (Her own eyes nearly start watering at that.)  _

She shakes her head for what feels like the millionth time in the last week. "It's too dangerous for you."

He pouts and gives her one last offended look before letting go of her leg and running out of the room. 

She watches him go, wishing there was a way to take him with her. She’s just about ready to admit the last few weeks have been much more pleasant than they usually are when she comes to this particular house of hers. 

_ (He makes it feel like a home.) _

But she doesn’t want him to take him to a manor where there’ll be prying eyes and accusations being thrown all over the place. 

So she’s said no every time he’s asked, which happens to have been almost every day - nobody had warned her that little kids could be so stubborn and have such good memories.

_ (A part of her recognises he’s not like most kids.) _

By the time he comes running back to her in the evening with another bouquet of wildflowers and a firm pout, she finds that her resolve is wearing thin and she’s becoming more and more tempted to say yes.

“Can we have jam again?” he asks as he holds out the flowers.

She takes them from him, raising her eyebrows. “You don’t need to give me flowers to have jam, Buttercup.”

He just shrugs.

And of course, they have jam again.

_ (They’d finished it yesterday but what is magic for if not to cater to a child’s culinary desires?) _

It’s only when Buttercup has yawned for the seventh time that Yennefer picks him up and tucks him into his bed, even though she knows full well that he’ll quietly slide into hers in a few hours. 

He mumbles what sounds like a goodnight before his eyelids droop and he drifts off. 

Yennefer takes a moment to wonder why she’d become so accepting of this domestic routine so quickly but she moves on to organising her visit to the Lord who’s requested her presence instead of wasting time dwelling on it. 

_ (She dwells on it often enough anyway.) _

Thankfully, she’s finished her plan far before Buttercup stumbles into her room with a sleepy pout. 

Instead of simply curling into her side like he normally does, he looks up at her with guilt laced into his expression. “I lied.”

She smiles gently and brushes his hair back. “What about, little one?”

“Promise you won’t be angry?” 

He sounds so scared, it almost hurts her.

_ (She usually hates such promises.) _

“Of course.”

He nods and yawns widely before blinking his eyes open properly. “The flowers weren’t for the jam.”

Having been imagining the worst, relief floods through her mind the same way magic flows through her fingers upon hearing his innocent confession. She smiles at him and chuckles softly. “I guessed that already. What were they for?”

“I want to go too,” he whines, looping his arms around her neck.

When she sighs, he sniffles and buries his head in her hair. “Please, Yenny? I don’t want to be alone again.”

Oh.

_ (Nor does she.) _

“I’m not leaving you, I just…” She trails off because from his perspective, she is leaving him. And she’s been a fool not to understand that. 

She’s been a fool not to realise that the strange routines they’ve built in the last few weeks must seem as necessary to the poor child as breathing at this point. And for her to so casually suggest leaving him must be nothing less than mildly heartbreaking. 

“I’m not leaving you,” she repeats before taking a deep breath. “You’re coming with me.”

He gasps loudly before pulling himself away from her, looking into her eyes with a joyful sort of hope she never wants to see disappear as he then asks,  “You mean it?”

She nods, wrapping an arm around his small shoulders. “I mean it. Now go to sleep, okay?”

He only hums in response, settling in her lap and dozing off before she can move him and avoid waking up with pins and needles. 

_ (She doesn’t move all night anyway.) _

And when he wakes up with a bright smile aimed at her, she knows it was worth it. 

“Good morning,” she murmurs as he grins, hugging her. 

“We need to make some rules before we go,” she tells him softly.

He frowns. “Can we have jam first?”

It’s not even that funny but Yennefer laughs at that, laughs until her chest hurts and she feels she can’t breathe, at which point she exhales slowly and nods. “Of course we can, Buttercup.” 

_ (She’d probably let him have anything he asked for at this point.) _

And so they have jam yet again.

And after that, she turns to him with a serious look. “Listen, little one, the place we’re going to is far bigger than this house and I need you to do as I say so we don’t get split up, okay?”

“Stay with you?” he suggests, climbing into her lap.

She nods, running a hand through his hair absently. “Stay with me. And don’t talk to anyone, okay?”

He looks confused but nods quickly. “Stay quiet and stay with you. I can do that!”

Yennefer smiles down at him, still surprised at how eager he is to listen to her and accept what she says without question.

_ (At how eager he is to stay with her.) _

And then something else occurs to her.

If they’re going to arrive and stay together the whole time, people are going to assume he’s hers. And if it keeps him safe because they fear her wrath, she might as well make it obvious and co-ordinate their appearances.

“You’re going to need new clothes,” she declares, standing up so suddenly that Buttercup yelps and wobbles, clutching onto her desperately.

“Sorry,” she whispers as her magic makes sure he doesn’t fall off, tucking an arm under him as she leads him to his room. “What colour would you like to wear?”

“Can’t I wear my doublet?” he asks, his voice small and hesitant. 

She’d guessed that there was something special about his doublet since he never takes it off and she finds she doesn’t have the heart to make him part with it.

“Yes, of course you can.”

_ (She’s never agreed with anyone so much in her life.) _

“But can you wear something of my choice under it?” She asks carefully. 

He bites his lip but nods in agreement, jumping down from her arms and waiting as she opens the little cupboard that’s empty unless she wants something to magically appear inside it. As it is, she pulls out a small, purple chemise for him.

“Will you wear this so everyone knows you’re with me?”

His smile is answer enough.

But he gives her a verbal one anyway. “And then we get to match?”

Yennefer smiles at him yet again., kneeling down so she’s at eye-level for him. “Exactly.”

He’s done it enough times for her not to be entirely shocked by now but she’s still startled when he throws his arms around her and grins so hard she can all but feel his happiness as he giggles out a soft “Thank you!”

_ (It’s truly her pleasure.) _

"You're welcome," she whispers back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i time-jumped a little bit just to speed it up, hope it's not too disjointed !!
> 
> thank you for reading! toss a kudos/comment ?


	7. Blithe Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also known as: jaskier is precious™ and yennefer is fond™ because that's how i roll now

Purple and blue rarely go together. 

Of course, that’s exactly why Yennefer takes such pride in how good she and Buttercup look: her evening gown is almost entirely purple, only the hems decorated with small blue flowers to match Buttercup’s lilac chemise and blue doublet. 

_(Something inside her glows happily at the two of them matching.)_

He takes her hand once she’s created a portal, offering him a small smile before guiding them through it. Predictably, he yelps, stumbles, and almost falls over, steadied only by Yennefer’s hand in his.

“You’re okay,” she soothes as he squeezes her hand.

He nods but waits for her to start walking rather than saying anything or bounding ahead, which tells her he’s more nervous than either of them want to admit.

_(She doesn’t know why she can pick up on that so easily.)_

The two of them make their way inside the Lord’s mansion with Yennefer pointedly ignoring the lingering stares directed their way.

“Yennefer of Vengerberg, my humble welcome!” 

Yennefer glances over to the Lord, not bothering to offer him a smile. “Lord Ambrose.”

Buttercup shuffles closer to her, hiding behind the fabric of her gown. Yennefer barely notices it but Lord Ambrose raises an eyebrow. “I don’t believe we’ve met before…?”

“He stays with me or I won’t even consider helping you,” Yennefer warns.

Lord Ambrose nods quickly and gestures for her to follow him. “We can take this to my study?”

“Obviously,” Yennefer mutters, making sure Buttercup isn’t about to fall over her gown before starting to follow, his hand still firmly in hers. 

_(It’s surprising how she isn’t embarrassed by that.)_

“I don’t like it here,” Buttercup whispers softly.

She frowns, glancing down at him. “What’s wrong?”

But he doesn’t get a chance to reply because they reach the Lord’s study, where he leads them inside and gestures to the desk as if asking them to take a seat.

“We’ll remain standing until you explain. You have five minutes,” Yennefer says, sighing. 

“There’s a mage attacking our town and-”

Yennefer holds up a hand. “Attacking? Is anyone dead?”

Lord Ambrose shakes his head. “There are a dozen missing but no bodies yet.”

Only when Buttercup whimpers does she remember that he’s a mere child and probably shouldn’t be overhearing a conversation about death, especially if it involves rogue mages.

_(Guilt runs through her for the first time in a long while.)_

But she doesn’t want to leave him anywhere, not when he’d run from the sight of someone as friendly as Triss and not when there’s no telling who could come across him in a place so large.

“Are you okay?” she asks him, ignoring the way Lord Ambrose frowns.

Buttercup nods quickly, his small fists clenching around her gown. She nods but the conflict in her heart only increases. Fortunately, he makes the choice for her and shakes his head, whispering, “Stay with you, like you said.”

Yennefer sighs but nods again, pulling him behind her as she turns back to Lord Ambrose. “When did they start disappearing?”

“Almost two weeks ago. We thought it was coincidence but too many have vanished and we need-”

She holds up a hand, pleased to see that he doesn’t protest to being interrupted again. “Have you tried hiring a witcher?”

The rest of the conversation goes smoothly, the Lord explaining that the witcher who’d passed by their town had suggested finding a mage. After that, she makes sure to get as many details as she can, barely even noticing when Buttercup takes one of her hands.

_(It feels right for him to be holding it.)_

“I’ll get back to you within a week,” Yennefer eventually says in a way that ends their conversation.

Lord Ambrose nods. “Of course.” 

Not wanting to drag Buttercup through a portal when she can sense his nerves, Yennefer leads them out through the front doors and into the market, smiling down at him. “Have you been to a market before?”

He shakes his head. “Not like this one.”

Unsurprised, she doesn’t question it. “Well, in this one, you can choose something to buy.”

“Buy?” he echoes, as if he’s never heard the word before. 

Yennefer makes a note of that as something to question later before nodding once more. “It means you can pick something you like the look of and… exchange money for it.”

“Money. I know what money is,” he tells her proudly, but then his face falls. “I don’t have any.” 

_(He’ll never need it as long as he’s with her, she promises herself.)_

Yennefer smirks as kindly as possible. “But I do.”

Buttercup grins widely, wrapping his arms around her, more or less just hugging fabric but she doesn’t have the heart to push him away. His eyes are full of a joy that she can’t relate to when he tugs on her hand, leading her towards one of the stalls. 

She’s confused when he bypasses the cakes but she figures that if he’d never seen soup before, it’s likely that he doesn’t know how to feel about other kinds of foods, which is probably the only reason he leads her to a table of trinkets that she’d not even spare a first glance, never mind a second. 

_(Yet another part of her that seems to have changed since meeting him.)_

“Which do you want?” she asks, not liking the way the woman behind the stall is frowning at the two of them. 

Buttercup hums, his hesitance melting away into curiosity as he fiddles with the little pendants and charms on display.

“What’s your name, young man?” the vendor asks. 

But he doesn’t seem to hear her, picking a necklace with a small blue charm on the end and holding it up with a bright grin. “Jewel!” he exclaims as if having discovered something new.

The vendor frowns, glancing between the jewel and Buttercup. “That’s your name?” 

Yennefer groans inwardly but clears her throat. “Short for… Julian. It’s a little long for him to say, apparently.”

_(She doesn’t miss the way he frowns at her but says nothing, unadulterated trust in his eyes.)_

“Oh, that makes more sense! A jewel for young Julian, then?” she asks sweetly. 

Buttercup nods slowly. “Please? Yenny can trade for it.”

The vendor laughs. “Of course.”

It’s a testament to how fond she’s grown of Buttercup that she actually pays for the necklace, resisting the strong urge to smile when he beams at her as if she’s his whole world.

“Will you put it on, Yenny?” he asks her, holding the necklace up.

“In a minute, come here,” she replies, nodding at the vendor before leading him into a quiet little alley and kneeling in front of him. 

_(Nobody else has the right to see her kneeling.)_

The little jewel on the necklace matches his eyes perfectly, Yennefer notices as she secures the accessory around his neck. It helps that he giggles as her hands brush his neck, waiting until she hums in approval before turning and throwing himself at her. 

“Thank you, Yenny!” he exclaims happily.

This time, she lets herself smile, curling her arms around his small frame in return. “My pleasure, little one.” 

They make the rest of the journey back with no other interactions, Buttercup running over to a patch of flowers and excitedly showing her the different types every so often. It feels oddly natural and she finds she doesn’t mind it. 

_(Before him, she would have called anything but a portal a waste of time.)_

By the time they get back, Buttercup has exhausted himself and all but collapses into his bed. Still, he reaches for her with a tired grin. “Can we nap?”

Yennefer doesn’t see the point of naps but her head nods before she can figure out a way to refuse him. Sighing, she settles in beside him, letting him curl into her and use her as a pillow despite the perfectly good ones she’d provided him. 

“Who’s Julian?” he mumbles into her stomach. 

Running a hand through his hair, she sighs. “I guess that’s what we’ll be calling you whenever we go anywhere.”

He’s silent for so long that she assumes he’s fallen asleep but then he nods somewhat solemnly. “You can call me that always.” 

_(He’s one of few bold enough to assume she needs anyone’s permission for anything.)_

“Are you sure, little one?” Yennefer asks as he yawns.

He nods again, barely even moving his head. “Then I match my jewel.” 

The confusing logic of young minds never ceases to amaze and Yennefer finds she doesn’t quite know how to reply to that so she just pulls him closer and tucks a blanket around him, smiling softly as he yawns again. 

“Enjoy your nap, Julian,” she whispers. 

He doesn’t reply.

But he doesn’t need to because she can feel him and she can feel his trust and there are no words that would sound better than his peaceful heartbeat against her skin.

_(They might have settled on a name for him but she still can’t name what she feels for him.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i'm the one that named him buttercup here but that decision was annoying me so how he's reached julian ^.^  
> also, pls excuse typos as i didn't have time to proof-read this at all :p
> 
> thanks for reading !! toss a kudos/comment?


	8. Beneficial Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't even see canon anymore but soft yennefer is worth it ;)

It’s three days before they need to leave the house again.

“Yenny, why are you frowning?” 

Oh, and she’s taken to frowning a lot over said three days. She can’t help it, she’d felt something wrong with Lord Ambrose’s house and Julian had said the same.

“It’s nothing, Julian. Are you hungry?”

Julian shakes his head, simply curling back into her lap again as he starts playing with the fabric of her dress, which seems to be a nervous habit of his. She can’t understand how it brings him comfort but she can’t bring herself to stop him either.

_ (It’s somehow comforting to her too.) _

A part of her hates this, hates that she can feel so… comforted… by someone so small and fragile and confusing - It’s dangerous and she doesn’t like that.

“Do we have to go back?” he asks, pulling her out of her thoughts. 

Yennefer sighs, running her fingers through his hair. “We do. You can stay here if you want but I’d rather you were with me.” 

He tightens his grip on her dress and makes a strange noise before replying, “Stay with you, like you said.” 

_ (She can’t believe he still wants to stay.) _

“Okay well, we’ll have to leave soon then. Are you ready?”

Julian finally sits upright and stares at her, almost amused. “Aren’t we matching again?”

Yennefer doesn’t know how to comprehend the fact that four words can mean so much to her so she just settles for nodding and watching as he grins before running off to go find his chemise.

She takes the very brief moment of solitude to inhale and exhale slowly. She’s not paranoid, of course not, but even a simple job is different now that she has someone else to be worried about.

Maybe everyone at Aretuza had been right in thinking that life should be a one-woman show and that needing other people or having other people need you is just a euphemism for having a weakness, a liability, a way for things to go wrong and-

“Yenny, I need help with the buttons!”

_ (Either way, it doesn’t feel right to deny Julian her help.) _

“Hang on, Julian,” Yennefer sighs, kneeling down to see what he’s done.

It’s not that bad, to be fair, he just seems to be struggling with doing up his doublet again. She does it for him without questioning it, only for him to frown at her. “You can’t see the matchy jewel!” 

“The what?” Yennefer blinks.

Julian pokes her shoulder. “My new jewel. You traded for it.” 

Oh.

_ (She’s pretty sure she’d trade almost anything for him if he needed it.) _

“Your necklace? Hang on…” she trails off, unfastening the top button so he can pull the necklace out and have it on display. 

She doesn’t tell him that she’s reinforced it with magic so it will never fall off or get lost. The only way it will come off is if he removes it himself but he’s yet to show any signs of wanting to do so. 

“Are you ready to portal now?” she asks softly.

Julian nods, but lifts his arms above his head, curling his fingers. She sighs but lifts him up with one arm, making sure he’s secure before creating a portal and stepping through it.

He makes a pained noise as they do, clinging onto her as if his life depends on it. But a few moments of her stroking his hair later, he grins widely. “Your magic is fun.”

_ (He always says that as if she isn’t capable of destroying the continent.) _

“Let’s go find this rogue mage, okay, little one?” she asks instead, lowering him to the ground and letting him take her hand as they start walking, following the trail of uncontrolled chaos that seems to buzz in the air. 

It’s not long before they reach what looks like a small hut. “I wish these idiots had better decoration skills,” Yennefer mutters.

“Yours is way nicer,” Julian agrees, and she’s abruptly reminded that she might need to be careful what she says if there’s someone else with her. It really wouldn’t do to have Julian call unhinged mages idiots, now, would it?

“Who are you?” someone asks sharply, drawing their attention to the man standing at the doorway.

Julian gasps and steps behind her, his free hand clutching at her dress once again. 

_ (It’s oddly satisfying.) _

“Yennefer of Vengerberg, here to determine whether or not you’re actually Lord Ambrose’s problem.”

“Leave now and I won’t be forced to fight you,” he replies, all but growling at them.

Yennefer rolls her eyes. “You wouldn’t last five minutes but do go on wasting your breath if it pleases you.” 

The other mage lowers his hands and looks over them both, shaking his head. “I’m not the problem here and I have no intention of orphaning the boy. Haven’t you been to his manor yet?”

She’s not sure what he means because there’s no way someone with such appalling aesthetic sense could defeat her and there’s no way he could know who Julian’s parents are, but she chalks it down to him being somewhat crazed.

“What about his manor?”

_ (She doesn’t like the idea of having missed something.) _

Julian steps out from behind her and squeezes her hand. “It was bad energy, like you said.”

The other mage looks at Julian in shock and Yennefer is immediately hit with the urge to remove his eyes for daring to do so. But before she can say anything, he nods at Julian. “Yes, exactly. There’s another mage staying with him and poisoning this town.” 

Yennefer shakes her head. “That’s a heavy accusation to make for someone surrounded by chaos. Where’s your proof?”

“You weren’t following my trail, Yennefer of Vengerberg, you were following the residue of his magic on me,” the other mage says, stepping inside his hut with the nerve to assume she’s going to follow. 

She immediately has every intention to set the place ablaze but Julian tugs on her hand so she decides to let the mage live for a little longer. Just until she knows what’s happening anyway. 

_ (If Lord Ambrose is playing her, he’s not getting away with it.) _

“What’s your name?” Julian asks the mage.

“Marcio, and you?” the mage, apparently called Marcio, replies.

Julian glances up at Yennefer before replying, which warms her heart just a little. When she nods, he turns back to Marcio and grins. “I’m Julian.”

“Where are you from, Julian?” Marcio asks as he searches a very disorganised desk.

Yennefer squeezes Julian’s hand as he shuffles uncomfortably and clears her throat. “He’s with me. Now, are you going to make a fool of yourself for much longer?”

Marcio sighs. “I made a note of every time someone went missing. And each time, there was a witcher in town to slay a monster exactly a week later.”

At that, Yennefer’s curiosity piques. Along with confusion and the slightest of awe, because if what Marcio is implying is actually happening, there’s a darker shade of magic involved that really shouldn’t even be possible.

_ (But it also shouldn’t be possible for anyone to desire being with her as long as Julian has and yet here they are.) _

“What kind of monster? Big scary ones with lots of teeth?” Julian asks, his eyes wide.

Yennefer blinks, almost having forgotten that he’s a child and had never seen a bestiary of any sort. 

Shifting uncertainty, Marcio nods. “Sometimes. It’s rarely the same one twice.” 

“Are you going to fight them, Yenny?” Julian looks back up to her, no doubt in his eyes that she can do such a thing. Gods is it empowering to see the faith, however misplaced, that he has in her and her abilities. 

She nods at him. “Of course. But first I think we need to figure out where they’re coming from, monsters don’t usually have a rota.” 

_ (Not even the ones inside her head.) _

Marcio chuckles. “They’re coming from Ambrose’s manor. I haven’t been able to get closer than a mile or so.”

Yennefer raises an eyebrow. “We were inside just a few days ago.” 

“The mage knows of me and my attempts to stop him but you weren’t a threat to him-” he holds his hands up, fingers splayed, as Yennefer narrows her eyes- “only because you didn’t know what I know about him.”

“You’re lying,” Julian blurts.

Yennefer resists the urge to look at him and instead watches Marcio glance at him nervously, his teeth briefly worrying his lip before he laughs. “Why would I lie to you?”

_ (She’s so tired of everyone lying to her.) _

She shifts her gaze to the room they’re in, searching for anything to verify his version of the truth. Amongst all the chaos and clutter, there’s nothing to suggest he’s making things up, except for…

“Is that him?” she asks, nodding her head to a scribbled drawing that’d clearly been discarded in anger. One of the men in the drawing is clearly Marcio but the other she doesn’t recognise.

Marcio follows her gaze and pales just enough to confirm her suspicion. “You were working together on whatever it is happening in this town, weren’t you?”

Julian steps behind her once again as Marcio’s smile curls into a grimace, both of his tiny hands now clasped around hers as he goes quiet, clearly waiting for her to do something, seeking her protection. 

_ (How dare Marcio even talk to Julian through his lying teeth.) _

“It wasn’t my fault! It wasn’t meant to be like this, it was just-”

“Toying with chaos that you couldn’t begin to understand?” Yennefer interjects, clenching her jaw. “Mages like you don’t deserve magic.” 

Marcio steps back at the venom in he words, as he should, but he doesn’t give up, shaking his head slowly. “I wasn’t lying before, I swear it. He really is responsible for the disappearances and I need your help.” 

“Yenny doesn’t need yours,” Julian says quietly.

_ (It takes all her willpower not to smile at that.) _

Not that Marcio would have noticed because he’s too busy looking startled. “Please, there are innocent people in this town.”

Any other day, Yenenfer would have rolled her eyes, told him that there are so-called innocent people everywhere, and left him to clear up his own mess. But any other day, she wouldn’t still be internally smiling at the trust a small child has placed in her. 

She sighs. “I couldn’t care less about your pathetic partnership and its failure. I will do what I came here to do and if you even think about interfering, I will see you as part of the problem. Do you understand?”

“He does,” Julian replies for him, grinning.

Marcio stays silent as Yennefer sends him a biting glare and leads Julian out of the hut, back towards the manor. He remains silent as they leave, for which she’s grateful as she’d rather not expose Julian to the sight of a dead mage just yet. 

_ (He deserves better than her violence.) _

“How did you know he was lying?” she asks Julian. 

He just shrugs. “I don’t know. His words weren’t right, that’s what always happens when people lie.” 

Yennefer can’t figure out what that means but she doesn’t push him to explain because she doesn’t want to know who else had lied to him. Well, that’s a lie, she does want to know, but she doesn’t want to upset him by asking. 

And anyway, he’s one of very few people who have actually managed to help her so she doesn’t mind giving him the benefit of the doubt. She just nods at him. “Let’s go fix this mage problem, okay?” 

Julian nods back eagerly. “And then can we have jam again?”

This time she can’t help smiling, she really can't. So she lets herself do so and nods. “Of course, little one. We can have all the jam you like.” 

“Thank you!” Julian beams as if she’d just promised him the moon and stars.

_ (She would promise him those as well in a heartbeat.) _

As the two of them continue walking, she makes a mental note to somehow acquire more jam on their way back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it's not super interesting but i just like writing these two so i shall continue to do so until i run out of adjectives beginning with 'b' :p
> 
> thanks for reading! toss a kudos/comment? x


	9. Blissful Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it's been almost four months since i updated but it's not like i can control which fic my brain decides to find motivation for... i do really appreciate all the love for this one tho <3

“You didn’t tell me your town had more than one mage,” Yennefer accuses Lord Ambrose as soon as they get back, recieving a nervous shuffling in response.

“Lying is bad,” Julian adds, his voice oddly serious for such a small child.

_ (She loves him for it.) _

Lord Ambrose frowns before shaking his head. “I didn’t think it was relevant since one of them died two winters ago.”

Yennefer takes a second to consider this, letting him think she’s just surprised as she tries to work out whether he genuinely believes that or whether he’s lying through his teeth. Julian answers her question for her, looking up and nodding his head ever so slightly. 

A moment later, she nods. “I can accept that. I’ll need to stay and investigate myself if I’m to make sense of this.”

He nods even before she trails off. “I’ll have a room ready within the hour. You’re free to come and go as you please, just… just help us?”

“She will, she has magic!” Julian says proudly.

_ (She doesn’t remember the last time anyone was so selflessly proud of her.) _

“Of course,” Lord Ambrose agrees easily, leaving them in his office as he goes to organise everything for their stay. 

“Yenny?” Julian asks as soon as they’re alone.

“Hm?” 

“I don’t like it here,” he says, his voice small. It’s the second time he’s said exactly that and she’s starting to think he’s onto something that she isn’t seeing.

_ (It’s not often she feels like she’s missing something.) _

She picks him up, sliding her arms around him and waiting until he’s settled properly around her waist before asking, “What don’t you like?”

He shrugs, his arms looping around her neck. “Feels bad.”

She doesn’t understand exactly what that’s meant to mean but she stops herself from saying so because she doesn’t want to worry him. And instead of dwelling on why she’s worrying about his feelings, she just nods. “Bad energy?”

“Bad energy,” he agrees, relief evident in his voice.

_ (She’s unreasonably glad to have been the cause of his relief.) _

“We’ll have to stay here for a few days, will you be okay with that?” She asks gently, almost surprised to realise she’d genuinely be willing to change their plans if he were to say no.

“Stay with you,” he mumbles. 

“Stay with me,” she whispers back, once again filled with the desire to never let him leave her side, regardless of whether it’s more for his sake or her own. 

_ (It’s the most innocent desire she’s ever had.) _

He ends up falling asleep in her arms and she's almost surprised that he weighs very little. Although she doesn't really know how heavy children are meant to be so maybe he's the norm and she's just not used to it. 

"Oh, you're still here." 

Yennefer turns to Lord Ambrose sharply, raising a questioning eyebrow, satisfied when he visibly steps back and clears his throat, chuckling awkwardly. "I thought you'd have left for business or…"

"My business is wherever I choose to be. Is the room ready?" She asks, not really bothering to fake a polite smile. 

_ (It seems only Julian makes her genuinely smile nowadays.) _

Lord Ambrose nods. "Of course."

The room isn’t bad, it’s just not the best. She carefully places Julian on the bed before making her away over to the window, assessing how much information she can get simply from watching the view - it’s more than enough to form initial theories. 

“Yenny?” Julian asks, his voice thick with sleepiness.

She turns back to him before she can really think about it, smiling. “Did you have a nice nap, little one?”

_ (A part of her loves that he looked to her as soon as he woke up.) _

He nods, springing upright as his eyes widen. “A mattress! Did you bring your mattress here?”

She laughs, ruffling his hair. “No, Julian. Every bedroom has a mattress.” 

“Bedroom?” he echoes, frowning. 

It takes her an embarrassingly long minute to figure out how to answer him. “Yes, bedroom. It’s the room where you sleep and... keep your favourite things. It’s… It’s somewhere you go to be comfortable.”

_ (She’d never really had one of her own but he doesn’t need to know that.) _

He nods at her as if she’s telling him the secrets of the universe. “Bedroom. But here isn’t where we keep our things.”

“No, we’re just borrowing this one while we’re here,” she explains, making a mental note to give him a proper house tour when they’re done here.

“So all the things in here belong to someone else?” he asks, his voice oddly small, something like guilt in his tone.

She pulls him close, allowing herself a small smile when he wraps his arms around her, seeking her comfort. “We’re helping this town so Lord Ambrose decided to offer us his spare ro- his spare bedroom while we’re here. He’s being polite.”

“Even though you don’t like his decorations?” 

_ (The idea of him trying to remember everything she says makes her heart swell.) _

“Yes, even though I think he could improve the appearance of his home. Why don’t you, uh, take a look around?” She asks, hoping that’s enough to distract him from his confusion. 

“Can I touch things?” Julian asks, even though the curiosity laced in his tone suggests that he’s about to do so regardless of what she says. By the time she nods, he’s already made his way over to one of the shelves. 

She watches him as he makes his way through the small objects on the shelf, nodding as diplomatically as possible every time he happily runs back over to show her what he’s found, from a book to an apple to a hairbrush and anything else inbetween.

_ (She’s never appreciated shelves so much.) _

“Yenny, this one is like a river!” Julian says excitedly.

Yennefer frowns when she finds him holding a mirror. “That’s a mirror, Julian.” 

“Mirror. The mirror is like a river!” he corrects, but that doesn’t really help him prove his point because she can’t think of how such different things can be alike.

Glancing between him and the mirror, she raises an eyebrow. “How is it like a mirror?”

He giggles. “Because I can see me in it! And-” he holds it up facing her so she’s looking at her own reflection- “you can see you in it!” 

_ (She can see a version of herself she barely recognises in it.) _

After a moment, she makes a small show of gasping and raising a hand to cover her mouth in mock surprise. “I suppose you’re right, little one, a mirror is like a river after all.” 

“Told you so!” he giggles again, returning to his exploration of the shelf. She lets him continue to have his fun because really, it suits her just as well to spend an afternoon watching the guards and visitors from the window before starting to search for the second mage.

When Julian finally flops into her lap with a yawn, the sun has started to set. “‘m tired,” he mumbles, curling around her.

_ (Her chaos automatically curls around him in return.) _

“Rest, then,” she whispers, running a hand through his soft hair. 

“Will you be here when I wake up?” he asks, only really half awake. She really hates it when he asks that, only because she always wants to stab whoever’s responsible for giving him such a fear and there’s no way she can do anything of the kind. 

Exhaling softly, she puts her other arm around him. “Of course. You’re safe with me, Julian.” 

“Thank you,” he replies quietly, his eyes closing before the words even finish leaving his mouth. 

_ (He deserves better than to think something so effortless requires gratitude.) _

“My pleasure,” she says, and she means it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff > plot  
> i'll probably get somewhere eventually but the world's a little chaotic atm so i just let little julian run free - hope y'all are doing well <3
> 
> thanks for reading !! toss a kudos/comment?


	10. Bemusing Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, i'm once again back with chaotic fluff but to be fair, there's a hint of plot if you squint ??

She doesn’t remember dozing off but her eyes snap open to the sound of a whimper.

“Julian?” she asks automatically, her arms tightening around him as she wakes up properly, ready to curse anyone who’s hurt him into oblivion.  When he doesn’t reply, she glances down to find him shaking, his eyes squeezed shut and sweat glistening on his skin like little drops of rain. 

“Julian?” she asks again, gently nudging him.

_ (She doesn’t know what to do other than be gentle.) _

He only whimpers again in response and the small noise goes straight through the heart she didn’t know could still be so affected by such things. Sighing and praying that she’s not making a mistake, she uses her chaos to wake him up as carefully as possible.

“Yenny!” he sobs as he jerks awake, his eyes filling with tears.

_ (Her eyes are tempted to do the same.) _

“Shh, little one, it’s okay. I’m right here, we’re okay,” she finds herself whispering as he melts into her touch, sniffling as he tries to stay quiet. She can’t understand why he’s trying so hard not to cry when all the children she’s seen in the past relish any opportunity to do so but she knows now is not the time to ask him about it.

“Stay with you,” he whispers back, his fingers curling into fists around the fabric of her dress. 

_ (For once, she couldn’t care less about the creases.) _

“Stay with me,” she agrees easily, slowly running her fingers through his hair as his breathing slows and he drifts off again.

It’s still dark outside so he lets herself relax once more, not quite willing to go back to sleep but also not willing to get up and leave Julian alone with his nightmares. In a strange, fleeting moment of disbelief, she wonders what Tissaia would say if she saw her now.

_ (She doesn’t care what anyone would say anyway.) _

Yennefer stays exactly where she is until dawn breaks, at which point Julian stirs once again. He’d shifted in the last few hours to practically be sitting in her lap, his arms around her middle and his head resting just under her neck, so when he yawns and looks up at her, she can’t help but smile.  “Good morning, Julian,” she murmurs, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

“The sun’s awake,” he mumbles through another yawn.

She chuckles. “Yes, it is. Do you usually wake up with the sun?”

“Sometimes we have to be awake for the moon too,” he replies, sounding as if he thinks she’s silly for even asking such an obvious question. 

_ (His smile is the only thing worth being seen as silly.) _

Yennefer hums, waiting until he uncurls himself from around her before standing up herself, stretching her arms and rolling the stiffness out of her shoulders and elbows. It’s only when she finishes stretching that she sees Julian copying her movements with a sheepish grin.

“Are you hungry?” she asks instead of addressing the way she wants to grin back.

He jumps upright, opening his mouth to reply but getting distracted as he wobbles and falls over, giggling as he bounces on the mattress. 

Biting her tongue so she doesn’t interrupt his glee by laughing, Yennefer merely watches as he amuses himself by jumping up only to fall over and bounce onto his back, making a mental note to try her best not to kill the Lord who’d provided something that makes Julian so happy.  She feels a bit like a fool as she waits for this child to finish playing, leaning against the wall with her arms folded, but since there’s nobody around to see it, she figures she can give him this opportunity uninterrupted. 

_ (And give herself this opportunity uninterrupted.) _

“Yenny, does this bedroom have jam?” Julian asks after a while, breathing heavily from the effort of literally jumping around.

“Bedrooms don’t have jam, Julian,” she replies, wiping the sweat off his forehead with her sleeve - an idea that would once have been unfathomable to her.

Julian frowns. “But you said bedrooms are where you keep you keep your favourite things!”

Yennefer nods as he climbs into her arms, locking his legs around her waist as she places an arm under him to steady them both. “They are. But food goes in the kitchen.”

“The kitchen,” he echoes, nodding. “Did you bring your kitchen?”

_ (She doesn’t know if she wants to laugh or cry.) _

“No, little one, but this house has its own kitchen. We can go and ask if they have jam,” she tells him, missing out the part where she’ll figure out a way to acquire some herself if they don’t.

“And bread?” Julian asks, his head dropping to rest on her shoulder.

“And bread,” she confirms, biting her tongue again so she doesn’t offend him by accidentally laughing.

He nods and just as she starts moving, asks, “Do you think the sun likes jam?”

Yennefer pauses, using one hand to lean against the wall as she ruins her plan not to laugh, unable to stop it this time but unwilling to risk dropping Julian no matter what. Once she’s recovered and he’s looking up at her with furrowed brows, she nods at him. “I don’t see why not.”

_ (She does but indulging him is far better than explaining why.) _

She knows she’s made the right choice when he nods happily, wrapping his arms around her neck and fiddling with her hair. There’s a part of her that doesn’t want to leave their room like this but she figures it’s too early for most people to be awake and she’s powerful enough to convince any servants that see her not to say anything unless they want to lose their tongues. 

And so they make their way down to the kitchens where they do in fact have enough jam for Julian to enjoy two servings of breakfast. 

_ (Stupidly enough, Yennefer just enjoys his enjoyment.) _

“Is he okay?” one of the maids asks Yennefer, “He looks a little pale.”

Resisting the initial urge to punch the other woman for potentially insulting him, Yennefer just nods. “He didn’t sleep too well.”

“Nobody sleeps well here,” the woman sighs.

“What?” Yennefer asks, now more curious than anything.

The maid looks a little guilty but shares a glance with her friend before nodding solemnly. “None of us have slept well for the last few years.”

It can’t be coincidence that Marcio’s mage friend had died just as their nights had become uncomfortable, it just can’t. “I’ll look into it,” Yennefer promises.

The woman smiles at her gratefully. “Thank you. We’ll find some more jam for your son by luncheon.”

The words don’t even register at first but by the time she realises she should correct that assumption, the maid has already disappeared somewhere and she’s left frowning at thin air.

_ (She’s almost glad she hadn’t had to explain what exactly he is to her.) _

“Aren’t you hungry, Yenny?” 

She blinks, pulling herself back into the moment as Julian holds up a piece of bread to her. She’s not really that hungry but she can’t exactly refuse, can she?

“Thank you,” Yennefer says sincerely as she bites into the bread, almost surprised to find jam on it; the very idea of him so easily sharing something he loves with her comes as a surprise. 

He beams at her, one of his hands sliding into hers when he finishes his own food. As the jam on his fingers makes both their hands sticky and he freezes, offering her a guilty smile that’s immediately followed by a delighted giggle when she magically cleans their hands, she absently wonders if this is what actually having her own son would be like.

_ (Too bad she’ll never get to find out.) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry but soft parent yen is my jam (ha, get it?) so i'm just self-indulgently milking it, hope you guys don't mind too much <3
> 
> thanks for reading! toss a kudos/comment?


	11. Burning Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what to preface this chapter with so um, allons-y !!

Nobles are infuriatingly concerned about keeping their secrets.

Yennefer sighs as she finishes reading all the papers and records she can find in the second supposedly secret office they'd discovered, finally glancing over to where Julian is sitting cross-legged, watching her with a bright grin and an even brighter sparkle in his eyes.

“What?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

“What?” he mimics, giggling where most men would cower.

( _For once, she prefers the giggling to the cowering.)_

“Julian…”

“Julian…”

“Cut it out,” she tells him, folding her arms.

He only copies the movement with another giggle. “Cut it out!” 

“Don’t you have any shelves left to explore?” 

“Don’t you have any shells left to explore?” he mimics, and it takes Yennefer a moment to realise he’d said something wrong at all.

Making her way over to him, she smiles. “Shel-ves.”

_(She doesn’t know why she can’t resist trying to help him.)_

He frowns. “Shel-les. I said that!” 

“Of course,” she agrees easily, lifting him up so he focuses on that instead of getting upset over pronunciation, “but tell me, did you find anything fun while exploring?”

Julian shrugs. “It’s all boring. The bedroom was way more fun! Can we go back to the bedroom?”

“Not yet, little one. I just need to find something that can explain what’s been going on,” Yennefer says, smiling for a moment as he starts playing with her hair again in a way that’s quickly becoming both familiar and soothing to her.

_(It’s almost alarming that she’s soothed by something so trivial.)_

“Why don’t you ask Marcio again?” Julian asks.

She had considered it, of course, but she’s not sure how much she can get from someone who’s willing to lie right to her face. Either he hadn’t heard of her reputation, which is perhaps worse than any alternative, or he’s just far too complacent to worry about being exposed.

“I don’t trust him,” Yennefer replies eventually. 

“Lying is bad,” Julian agrees just as his fingers get caught in her hair, causing her to wince and knock her head against his, which in turn causes him to yelp. “Ow!”

_(The very idea of his pain hurts her more than her own.)_

“Are you alright, Julian?” she asks, using one hand to cradle the back of his head.

He nods, letting go of her hair to wrap his arms around her neck as he buries his face in her neck. She readjusts the arm under him and lets him lock his feet more securely around her waist before letting her eyes roam around the office again, trying to determine whether she’d missed something the first time around. 

“Come on, come on,” she mutters to herself, amused when Julian mimics the phrase by whispering it into her skin, “where would I hide something to do with unsanctioned magical experiments?”

_(Not that she’s stupid enough to need to.)_

She’s all but ready to move on to a different room when she spots the rug under the desk. It’s just a plain rug, really, but only one half of it is covered in dust even though the entire room seems to have been unused for weeks. 

It takes all of five seconds for Yennefer to blast the desk to one side and flick up the rug with the curl of her index finger. It takes five more for the door to register and another five for Julian to lift his head at the noise, looking up at her with a fierce amazement when he does. 

“Yenny! Did you do that?” he asks excitedly. 

She nods at him, then curls a finger again and lifts the trapdoor. “Do you want to see what’s down there or stay up here?”

“Stay with you!” he replies quickly, as if offended that she’d suggest otherwise. 

_(She’s a little scared of how attached he seems to be.)_

“I’m going to go down first, alright? Just in case there’s something dangerous in there,” she says, hesitant to walk into a hidden room with a child wrapped around her hip. With only a little bit of reluctance, he allows himself to be placed on his feet again and waits patiently enough as she descends. 

It’s dark so the first thing she does is conjure a small flame and send it to the centre of the room. Once it’s in place, she makes sure there are no traps or wards - which there aren’t so the owner of the room is clearly an amateur - before holding a hand out for Julian to take. He giggles when he takes it, slotting his fingers between hers and clambering down until they reach the bottom, where he gasps at the light she’d created, his eyes wide. 

_(Gods does she bask in his awe.)_

“Can I explore?” Julian asks, this time waiting for her permission.

She would have sensed if there was any real danger in the room so she nods, gesturing for him to do as he pleases, which he does, launching himself at the nearest chest as if he was born to be a pirate of some sort. 

Yennefer makes her way over to the desk, vaguely keeping an eye on Julian as she flicks through a journal, pausing when she gets to a series of instructions, all amended with notes on how bad the side effects were for previous instructions. What side effects it doesn’t say, but it’s not hard to connect potions involving such potent poisons to the monsters the town has been plagued with.

“Yenny?” 

_(Her head has never turned so quickly.)_

“Yenny?” Julian repeats, his voice small.

She’s kneeling beside him before he can repeat her name a third time, frowning as she rakes her gaze over him to try and find out where he’s injured. When she doesn’t find anything, she meets his eyes, one hand cupping the side of his face as he moans.

“Yenny, I feel bad,” he whispers, his eyes filled with glittering tears.

Yennefer curses softly but forces herself to smile. “It’s okay, I’m going to help, you’ll feel fine again in a moment. You have to tell me what happened, Julian, did you eat something?”

He shakes his head, one of his hand gripping hers so hard his fingers have turned white from the pressure. “I was just expore- exploring. I- Yenny, it hurts!”

_(She can’t understand why she feels so hurt too.)_

“What hurts, Julian?” she asks sharply.

He whimpers, the sound piercing all the way to her heart, before shaking his head. “I don’t know! I’m sorry, I don’t know! It hurts, Yenny, please!”

She wants to help him, she really does, but she doesn’t know to stop the tears rolling down his cheeks. He’s neither bleeding nor bruised and she doesn’t sense any chaos over him so there can’t be any curses or enchantments and she just can’t fathom why he’s in so much pain.

Frustrated, she pulls Julian close, wrapping her arms around him and running a hand through his hair when he sobs, whispering sweet nothings to him as she rocks them back and forth, so focused on the way he just won’t quieten down that she almost misses the soft echoing of footsteps behind them.

“Well, isn’t this interesting?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun dunnn... how weird is it that i can say i won't remedy this lil cliffhanger until next year ??  
> anyway, thanks so much if you're still following this fic nine months later (that's such a long time, i'm really sorry) and i hope you're doing well as 2020 comes to a close <3
> 
> thanks for reading !! toss a kudos/comment? xx


	12. Blinding Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at the risk of adele copyright, hello from the other side (aka the new year) !! anyway, let's resolve the lil cliffhanger from last time...

“Who the hell are you?” Yennefer snarls, instantly on her feet.

Julian whimpers again, clinging to her as if his life depends on it, his arms looped around her neck like some sort of peculiar necklace. 

_ (It’d be her favourite necklace, of course.) _

“What, Marcio didn’t mention me?” the man asks with a smirk that, in any other situation, she might simply have killed him for.

“The other mage, of course,” Yennefer mutters, stepping back as he steps down from the ladder so she can half-turn and keep Julian as far away from him as possible. 

The man smiles. “Marcio’s better partner, Tymon, at your service.”

Yennefer has a dozen things she could say about his service or lack thereof but she has priorities and the child curled around her is far more important than any kind of satisfaction found in insulting others.

_ (She’s fleetingly shocked by how quickly Julian has become her priority.) _

“What have you done to him?” she asks, her voice steady but cold. 

Tymon glances over Julian with a curious smile. “That depends on what he is.”

Yennefer’s eyes narrow. “I’m not here for riddles.”

With a casual hum, Tymon walks over to the desk, chuckling when he sees the mess of her having looked through everything. “You read the journals, didn’t you?”

She frowns, tightening her grip on Julian. “You’ve been toying with things beyond your control, I’m aware. How is that relevant right now?”

The answer is obvious to her even as the words leave her mouth and Tymon must see that on her face because he just laughs, waving a hand and promptly sealing the makeshift door to the room before settling in the chair smugly.

_ (She hates herself for not connecting the dots sooner.) _

Julian hadn’t even needed to touch or eat anything for whatever Tymon has built into the walls to take effect. It’s clever, to bring people or creatures down into a hidden room and slowly weaken them until they can be experimented on, but it’s hurting someone important to her and Yennefer will not stand for it.

“Do you expect me to applaud?” she asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“I expect you to hand over the boy.”

Julian sobs into her neck at that and she shakes her head without hesitation, her lips twisting into a snarl as she glowers at Tymon. “Over my dead body.”

She’s not expecting the other mage to try and attack her but she’s ready nonetheless, one hand stretched out in front of her to form a shield before his chaos even reaches them, the spell bouncing off them harmlessly. 

Tymon’s jaw clenches as he stands, lifting his hands once again. “He’ll be more useful in my work than he’ll ever be with you!”

_ (She doesn’t need him to be useful.) _

Yennefer just scoffs, one of her hands curling around the back of Julian’s head and gently playing with his hair to distract him from hearing anything Tymon is saying. She steps back again, this time only to brace herself properly, and smiles.

“If you’re ready for death, it’ll be my pleasure to see you off.” 

Tymon scowls at her and immediately throws himself into another spell. Having anticipated that, Yennefer throws back one of her own, purple and black colliding in the middle of the room in a burst of almost blinding sparks until they implode, Tymon being thrown backwards into the shelf behind him.

Julian’s hands clench into tiny fists around her hair and Yennefer winces when one of them pulls awkwardly but she doesn’t try to untangle herself, allowing him the comfort of knowing she’s still right beside him.

_ (Allowing herself the same comfort in return.) _

The other mage doesn’t seem to be moving so Yennefer turns back to the trapdoor, knowing that Julian needs to get out if he’s going to survive. If his life wasn’t in danger, she might even have been impressed by the standard of the subtle cage around them.

“No!” Tymon yells from behind her.

She’s too focused on figuring out their exit to notice the objects that fly towards them in time to block them all. Several books, an inkpot, a paperweight, and an empty pitcher slip through her shield, most of them hitting her but something obviously catching Julian because he cries out, his grip on her hair loosening as he starts toppling.

_ (She’s loath to admit her heart misses a beat.) _

Cursing loudly, Yennefer stumbles and uses both arms to catch him, twisting her body as she does and then steadying him against her, tucking him into her chest, both of them breathing heavily. 

“You’re wasting your time, only I can open the door again,” Tymon gloats.

Yennefer’s jaw clenches as she turns back to him. “Maybe you haven’t heard of me, I’m Yennefer of Vengerberg and I am far more powerful than the likes of you.”

Adjusting her grip on Julian, she throws a hand out, her chaos hitting Tymon directly above his heart before he can blink. He screams, his knees buckling, and mutters something under his breath that she doesn’t catch. 

Though it’s not that hard to figure out what he’s done because Julian screams seconds later, a horrible noise that Yennefer would rather she’d never have known.

_ (Now she knows why they say ignorance can be bliss.) _

“You’re okay, I’ve got you, it’s fine,” she murmurs to a now quiet Julian before turning her attention back to the trapdoor. Unfortunately, Tymon, despite having choked on his own blood and slumped to the ground as a result of his own arrogance, was right: the seal does seem to be linked to his magic.

Yennefer quickly concludes that it’d be far easier to overcome his seal if she had both hands. Gritting her teeth, she keeps one arm firmly wrapped around Julian, who’s worryingly limp at this point, and places her other hand on the trapdoor above them. 

And pushes.

The door doesn’t give but she wasn’t really expecting it to so she just pushes with her magic as well as her fingers, stubbornly pressing chaos into the stupid seal even as she feels her knees weakening and beads of sweat rolling down the sides of her face.

_ (She’d rather die than let Julian do the same.) _

She keeps pushing and she’s not sure if she’s actually yelling or just imagining it but just as her vision starts to black out, the seal shatters and the door finally, finally gives, splintering upwards.

Yennefer pants, stumbling up the last few steps and all but collapsing onto the half-dusty rug, Julian lying still on her chest as he goes down with her. It takes her a long moment to even register his presence, her head still pounding and her eyes still ringing, but she pushes herself upright again as soon as she does.

“Julian? Julian, hey, open your eyes,” she whispers furiously, gently shaking his shoulders.

_ (She definitely doesn’t panic at the sight of his pale face.) _

“Come on, little one, that’s it. Open your eyes for me,” she continues, managing a smile as his eyes scrunch up and he groans softly.

He coughs before he follows her instructions, his hands reaching upwards. “Yenny?”

Relief floods into her heart at the sound of his voice and she nods even though he can’t see it, allowing him to curl his fingers around her own. “I’m here, I’ve got you.”

It takes several long moments for him to finally open his eyes and the first thing he does is frantically look around until his gaze settles on her, at which point he grins weakly but still widely enough for her to be sure he’s not dying.

_ (Never has she appreciated the colour blue so much.) _

“Can we go home?” Julian asks her, climbing into her lap with tears shining in his eyes. 

Yennefer frowns for a moment, and then frowns again when she realises that he’s referring to her cottage, that he considers home to be with her. She makes a mental note to worry more about that later and nods at him, exhaling softly as feeling finally returns to her exhausted limbs. 

“That sounds like a good plan,” she agrees. Julian wraps his limbs around her again in response and without meaning to, she cradles him close, too tired to question how and why she’s become so strongly attached to this random child.

_ (She's not entirely opposed to be honest.) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologise if this was lowkey anticlimactic, action is not exactly my friend ._.


	13. Bewildered Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally a little insight into julian's life,, and some trissefer because it's february so why not?

Yennefer doesn’t pay attention to getting paid.

She makes sure she gets what’s she’s owed of course, she’s not stupid, but she’s more focused on Julian staying attached to her hip like lichen on a rock than anything else. 

It’s only when they’ve portalled back to her cottage that she finally relaxes, all but throwing herself onto the bed and letting Julian slowly unpeel himself from her. He doesn’t go very far, simply curling up beside her, wrapped entirely around her arm. 

_ (It’s stupidly endearing.) _

Using her free hand to gently play with his hair, she shifts to get more comfortable. “Are you feeling better?”

Julian nods. “Very better. Thank you, Yenny.”

“My pleasure, little one.”

“Can we take a nap? I’m tired,” he says and, as if to prove his point, promptly yawns. 

Resisting the urge to laugh, she nods even though he can’t see it. “I think that would be wise, actually.”

_ (It’s not often she’s eager to fall asleep in someone else’s presence.) _

The next thing she knows is someone gently shaking her shoulders.

She bolts upright, ready to curse whoever has broken through her wards, but instead of a threat, she just sees Triss with her hands held in front of her, fingers splayed in surrender as she visibly fights a smile. 

“Sorry,” Triss whispers, “but I heard what happened and wanted to see if you were okay.”

“Yenny?” Julian mumbles groggily, sitting up only to shriek when he sees Triss and dive behind Yennefer. 

Triss looks just as surprised as Yennefer feels. “Did I… do something?”

Yennefer sighs. “He thinks you were, uh, mean to nature?” she offers, trying to remember exactly what he’d said. 

“To the forest,” he corrects from behind her. 

_ (She’s honoured to be considered as a shield.) _

Triss frowns. “My magic tends to involve nature but I wouldn’t ever want to... hurt a forest.”

Julian peeks out from behind her and settles in her lap instead, which definitely does not warm Yennefer’s heart, definitely not. It seems to warm Triss’ though, because she grins at the sight even when Yennefer half-heartedly glares at her.

“But you did. You broke it!” Julian argues. 

Yennefer circles her arms around Julian and shakes her head. “Triss specialises in healing, Julian, she wouldn’t break your forest. I promise.” 

When Julian doesn’t say anything, Triss shares a look with Yennefer before sitting on the other side of the bed, smiling gently. “Julian, can I ask which forest you’re talking about?”

“The one with the river,” Julian replies, the anger in his voice thankfully replaced with curiosity.

_ (It’s oddly comforting to see the two interacting.) _

Triss nods thoughtfully despite the unhelpful reply and for a long moment, doesn’t seem like she’s going to reply. Then she gasps softly and looks at Yennefer. “Do you think this is about that leshen problem a few years back?”

Yennefer frowns. “Near Cidaris? We’re pretty far from there.” 

“I can’t think of anything else,” Triss says, and both of them look towards Julian even though it’s unlikely he even knows what a leshen is. Although, the iron in Tymon’s study would mean…

“Julian, are you a fae?”

He turns his head and blinks up at her. “What’s that?”

Triss exhales softly and Yennefer can’t help but agree; they may be a little out of their depth here if Julian really doesn’t know anything about who and what he is.

_ (Abandoning him still doesn’t even cross her mind.) _

“Did your… did anyone you know have magic?” Triss asks, always having been better at interacting with children.

Julian looks over to her as if she’s crazy. “Everyone gets to use magic when they’re bigger.”

So clearly someone had decided not to tell him he wasn’t like most other children. Or, a darker, more realistic part of Yennefer's mind suggests, they simply hadn’t had the chance to explain things to him. Either that, it certainly complicates things.

“But you’re already using magic,” Triss says.

Yennefer looks at her sharply, uncomfortable with the idea that she’d missed something. But on second thought, Triss is right; Julian easily passes as a human and there’s no way for a fae to be able to do so without a glamour.

Julian doesn’t seem to agree, pressing himself into Yennefer’s chest. “No. No, you’re wrong. She said I only get to use magic when I’m bigger. You’re lying!”

_ (She finds herself wishing they’d studied the fae more.) _

Triss and Yennefer share another exasperated look and as much as Yennefer wants to ask who ‘she’ is, she’s more than aware Julian probably won’t give them a useful answer at the moment. 

“What if it’s not your magic, little one?” Yennefer asks. 

He looks back up at her, going almost cross-eyed as he thinks over her question. “So it’s her magic?” he asks slowly.

“Only a glamour, it seems,” Triss confirms, “she was probably trying to protect you.” 

“What’s a glamour?” Julian asks. “Is it a bad thing?”

Yennefer tightens her arms around him. “No, it’s not. It’s just to make you look more…” she trails off, wondering how she’s meant to explain the concept of blending in with humans to a child who has no idea they’re different to him.

“So they don’t kill me too?” he asks quietly. 

_ (She immediately wants to burn whoever caused the sorrow in his voice.) _

“Nobody’s going to kill you,” Triss says firmly, which Yennefer is more than grateful for because she’s too angry to make her voice sound kind at the moment. 

“I know,” Julian says, his voice bubbly once more. “Yenny will protect me!”

Triss grins. “Yeah, she’s good at that.”

“Yeah! Can we have jam?” Julian asks, changing the topic so abruptly that both mages forget to reply until he pokes Yennefer. “Did we run out?”

Yennefer shakes her head. “Of course not. There’ll be some in the kitchen.”

“Yay!” 

He’s running out of the room before either of them can stop him and Yennefer guesses it’ll take him a good few minutes to realise he can’t find the jam and ask for help. 

_ (She’s not sure why she’s looking forward to helping him.) _

“Did you know he wasn’t human?” Triss asks.

“No,” Yennefer replies, sighing. “What am I meant to do with him?”

Triss gives her an incredulous look. “He doesn’t seem like he wants to leave so the obvious option is just to keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.”

As much as Yennefer wants to agree, she’s not sure she can deal with more incidents like Tymon. “I can’t, Triss, you know who I am. He’s not safe with me.”

Placing her hand on Yennefer’s and squeezing gently, Triss smiles warmly. “He’s pretty confident that he is. And so am I.”

“I don’t know how to…” Yennefer waves a hand, hoping that Triss knows what she means.

She does, and raises an eyebrow. “Yes you do, you’re already doing it.”

“Yenny!” Julian calls.

_ (She’s tempted to believe that’s a sign Triss is right.) _

“Be there in a second!” she calls back, then turns to Triss and smiles gratefully. “Thank you for coming. Stay for lunch?”

“The sun’s gone down,” Triss points out, giggling.

Yennefer rolls her eyes. “Stay for dinner then?”

“Yenny! The jam!”

Both of them laughing, they stand and make their way to the kitchen where Julian grins at them, thankfully far less afraid than before. It might have been sweet, Yennefer notes, that the three of them are eating together, if not for the absurdity of having to center every other meal around jam. 

_ (Still, she wouldn’t change a thing.) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i may or may not have detoured from my original plan and i'm not entirely sure how to get back on track so i'm sorry if it takes me longer to update, but tysm if you're still reading <3


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